Rule - no bikini shots allowed.

Saturday 21st

Woo hoo. The rain stopped and it was a mad rush down to the pool to catch some rays. Coz obviously we were in a hurry as we never see much sunshine in Dubai and we all desperately need some vitamin E…..

Mum and Christine came to our hotel to lie by the pool and SQ went off on a tour somewhere. It was a really nice first day.

Mum and I went and had the buffet lunch which was delicious but unfortunately her skirt got so caught in the chair that she had to take it off at the table to pull it out!

Very entertaining for the other guests at lunchtime.

After lunch it started hotting up, and that’s not because the old wrinkly men had seen my mum take her skirt off in the restaurant, it was coz the clouds had cleared and we had lovely blue skies and sunshine and NO humidity! Result. Bronzed goddess here I come.

I had to go for a dip in the pool.

OH MY GOD.

I have never felt water as cold as this in all my life. Even the Moray Firth in winter is not this cold. I swear if I stayed still for more than 3 seconds rigger mortis would have set in and I would have sunk to the bottom like a lead weight.

Now I know how Leonardo De Caprio felt at the end of The Titanic film.

Good God small children and old people must have surely died in this pool. Maybe that’s why they were all down at the beach instead of this lovely big pool. We did wonder why no-one was in it.

I just thought they were all just too old to be able to swim now.

I managed two breadths without breathing just to save face with The Wrinklies watching and got outta there as fast as I could. I shivered for the rest of the afternoon until the sun went down.

I must have looked like I’d had a recent boob job. You know, fully protruding for an unnaturally long time. Actually, it’s a wonder my nips didn’t snap off altogether it was that flipin freezing.

God the men must have had to wait til supper time to drop back down again.

That was the first and last time I went in the pool for the whole holiday.