THREE sleeps to go......

Tues 17th

Mum is off to sunny Cyprus today. In fact she is in Glasgow airport as I type. And THREE sleeps to go until we are there too!

She can check out the best dens of iniquity for us before we get there on Friday and stake out all the best talent places where we can stalk the handsome locals into submission.

Well isn’t that what mum’s are for?

Starting to get very excited. And that’s not because Leone visited my office today (easy tiger) its because I am soooo looking forward to my holidays.

Lots in my Head List to do yet, but getting through it slowly but surely so should be completely empty by Friday and float to the airport without a care in the world to have a stress free break.

Sigh. Yawn. Sigh.

Today I have achieved 0 out of 5 so far, but its only 5pm…….

Networking - King or Queen?

Mon 16th

BNI night shift today. Although good crack today as Dave, our new Director and Leone (The Godfather) from another chapter was there too and Leone is always good crack.

Very cheeky and fun. Blushes easily but he will get used to me. I get what I give usually. He’ll learn.

He is the network King of Dubai. Although as he has only just been added to my e-mail list so I reckon he has been avoiding this wee Scottish Queen’s little empire til now. Too much competition to handle maybe?

Nah, seriously, there is no competition at all. I only started this game over a year ago and I have a lot to learn. Granted I have a huge friendship circle, but that's not business, that's fun!

Some of the other members in my group and I are trying to get together for a power group but that's proving very difficult with 6 very busy professional people to fix a time for all.

I got to practice my new BNI Visitor Host skills which I had to go to 3 hours of BNI training to learn.

I now know how to write visitors names on a sheet, give them sticky badges, show them where the tea and coffee is and smile a lot.

Yep, 100 Dhs for training was worth every penny.

I showed off my new map and everyone seemed to really like it. Here’s hoping they pay next year then instead of getting freebies…..!

Went shopping in evening to get few bits for holiday and try and find mum a few new outfits. She was ill in February and went from a size 18 to a size 12 so literally is half the woman she was and none of her summer holiday clothes fit her.

As I live in the trendiest shopping area of Dubai, Al Karama, I managed to spend a whopping 200 Dhs on two new designer label outfits for her.

Today I achieved 0 out of 5. Pants!

Countdown to holidays.

Sun 15th

Anyone remember my best pal Vicki??

Well she is coming at the end of the month with her family. Can't wait. It will be wicked.

She left Dubai a few years ago and I still miss her badly. We shared a lot of ups and downs.

But before she gets here, I'm on the countdown til my own holidays. Yippeee last week of work.

Went to yoga at night and so floated all the way home.

Seriously luving the no traffic in Ramadan. If only it was like this all the time. Oh well, one can dream.

Today I achieved 1 out of 5. guess which one that was…..! 

Sharks and Shoes

Sat 14th

Finally paid for all Etisalat stuff today so roaming and internet on the way. Woo hoo.

Pool in aftie and cards at night. Saturdays are getting very predictable but you know what – they are fun!

I cooked veggie curry and various interesting bits and bobs to accompany it. Claire is veggie so that might be good for me to eat less creatures that used to have a pulse too. I used to have a friend who said she wouldn’t eat anything that had eyelashes. That kinda freaked me out for a while but this is worse.

Claire is a veggie because the cartilage of some poor creature got stuck in her teeth when she was 13 and it grossed her out so much she hasn’t eaten meat since. Don’t blame her, the story kinda grossed me out too!

I told her I would go veggie if she stopped smoking.

Naahh, she can smoke outside as long as she wants, I ain’t giving up my fillet steaks, haggis, and most of all bacon!

Friday would not be worth getting up for without a fry up, which is still a hangover cure tradition in my house every Friday.

Anyway, we are all turning into card sharks. The idea is to have a few games and not drink and chill out on a Saturday as we are all back to work on Sundays. But we were so engrossed and hyper and into the card game that we played til midnight! I was so revved up I couldn't sleep!

Congratulations to our YVIE who won this week.

I must get the rules to poker off the internet. Mind you, Claire will win all the time then as she is paid to be nice all the time and hide her feelings most of the time so will definitely be at an advantage!

She is definitely not your stereotype trollie dollie of quote “all nails, shoes and handbags” unquote. A very bonny lassie, down to earth and full of fun and obviously takes her job very seriously and with pride.

Senior exams here she comes in a few months and I expect her to pass with flying colours. Pardon the pun.

Although I really do disagree about the “not all shoes” bit. Seriously, I could start a shoe shop sale in my house.

Thankfully we are the same size.

Today I achieved 2 out of 5.

Unlucky for some, if you move from the sofa....

Friday 13th

The worst thing that happened to me today was we started watching a movie that I went over to my dodgy DVD man especially to buy and it stuck!

Didn’t break any mirrors either so hopefully no bad luck for next 7 years.

But I didn’t want to tempt fate when this chapter of my life is going so well so didn’t go out at night.

Unfortunately that meant I missed both Louise’s and Gill’s birthday parties. HAPPY BIRTHDAY girls.

Sorry I didn’t make it, had good intentions in the afternoon but by evening another dodgy dvd and a bowl of popcorn was all I could muster up the strength for.

Then Claire and I got serious house fever a bit later and we went for a jolly round Karama so we could at least say we were out on Friday and not two saddo’s sitting in with our pyjamas and slippers on all day.

Has anyone been to Karama lately? Quite good genuine fakes in just now.

Although I was very upset when I bought an extra large Victoria Beckham brown velvet sexy track suit and it was too small. Guess that was the fake part.

No worries, I can take it back tomorrow and get a medium one which will probably be too big.

Today I achieved 1 out of 5.

Still Thursday night....

So we all started off at Nikki Tams.

Claire and Claire-2 had a couple and then went off to meet their friends. Daws, Caroline, Becki and I stayed for a few and sorted out the world before we hit Double Deckers with avengence.

Great fun and good crack all round. Cooked cheesy toast when I got home and Claire and I finished off sorting out the world and then crashed just as the sun came up.

Yep, she is definitely going to be fun to share with.

Well as long as I get her schedule right! I’ll be in big trouble if I have a wild party and she is flying the next day.

This may actually be the start of me getting to bed before dawn at the weekends and that can only be a good thing.

Today I achieved 2 out of 5.

John-long-lost-Dawson

Thursday 12th Night

John-long-lost-Dawson came out to play with the girls tonight. He hasn’t been out to play for a very long time. Well since he met and married his own girl to play with anyway, the beautiful Marion.

Dawson used to live in the tower block next to me on Sheikh Z and we have had many a drunken shindig at his place or mine.

His place was always better, he had a karaoke machine. Which we all frequently fought over at weekends.

Even Santa Clause knocked on the door one night to complain about the noise. You had to be there…..aaah funny memories.

And he was also my only comrade in the adoring Bruce Springsteen fan club!

Actually, Dawson didn’t just have a t-shirt, he had a pillow case as well.

I was very jealous. 

Happy Birthday James!

Tuesday 10th

Went to Gill’s and got my hair done today. Just in time for my holidays. So it would have been rude not to go out at night.

I can’t remember last time I was out on a Tuesday. Met Caroline and went to Fibbers where we met Debi. First time I’ve been out with Debi in over a year. Then we went to Longs and met up with Mairead and James – HAPPY BIRTHDAY JAMES! Haven’t been there since last Ramadan either. Ex pats on one side and prostitutes on the other. Nice. Won’t be going back til next Ramadan probably.

Good night but needless to say I didn’t make my work until 1pm the next day so didn’t finish until very late. So had to work til 8pm to make up for it. Pants but oh well, the consequences of the demon drink eh, I should be used to it by now.

Thursday 12th – finally went to Etisalat today so now have ordered roaming and an internet connection. So now I will be able to do my blog from home instead of typing it out on word then downloading it at the office. Cool.

2,000 bucks deposit for the roaming facility, but hey its worth it. Now if I lose my mum in Cyprus I should be able to call her and find her quickly. I guess she is worth 2,000 Dhs eh?

Looking into buying her house at moment. What a carry on though. Its hard work getting your head round all the legal jargon these days. Oh well, it will be worth it. She will get some cash to spend and I will have an investment for the future. Its a win win.

Finally got my new Dubai mini map today. Looks wicked. Go get one from one of my Castaway stands. You will see one of the reasons why I have been working so hard the last few months.

Only one week to go and I should be on a beach in Limassol with NO Head List and only exploring and relaxing to think about.

Bring it on.

Today I achieved 1 out of 5.

Sunday 8th – busy day at work and went to yoga at night.

We are supposed to switch off at yoga but I couldn't concentrate tonight.

Does anyone else always have a Head List?

You know, the list of “things to do” that you have to keep in your head on a daily basis. I’m sick of mine. Its never ending! I can’t think of a time lately that I haven’t had “something” to do or buy or collect or finish.

Just For One Day…
I would like to go to work and find I have no e-mails and nothing to do.
I would like to go home one evening with no chores to be done.
I would like one month where I don’t have to buy any birthday presents.
I would simply like nothing to think about.

Roll on Cyprus. Hopefully the hardest decision I will have to make is how long I have got at the pool before I go exploring a new country.

Monday 9th.

BNI early morning shift this morning and couldn’t sleep last night so very tired today.

Dad and Rue bought a house in Penicuik today (near Edinburgh Scotland for all you hethans). Thank Gawd, now maybe my wee sister’s will grow up with a proper accent.

Every year I learn at least one profound statement that changes my life or I just love it. I thought this year it was “what’s stopping you?” from Dave Crane but my friend quoted this from a book the other day....

“If you hurt someone they will love you a little less”. How wicked is that? I like that a lot.

And I guess if you keep hurting someone or letting them down they will eventually stop loving you altogether.

Just thought I would share that with you.

Claire moved in today. Woo hoo! She is wicked, I think we will have a blast together. She’s a bonny girl from Glasgow so the crack is “gud”!

Sat hangovers rule from now on!

Fri 6th – Claire came round to see flat today. We seemed to get on well so fingers and toes crossed she is interested.

I was supposed to be at Niels but cancelled again. One of these days I will make it round to meet Gretel the new edition to his wee family and see what the builders have been up to in his garden!


Sat 7th – up at 9am which was a shock to the system.

Went to go to Etisalat to get roaming for phone for holidays but queue out the door so changed my mind.

Went to go and get a massage but queue for that was even longer so changed my mind.

Went to tailors and only half of stuff ready.

So, my question is, what’s the point in staying in on Fridays and getting up early? You never get anything done. I may as well stay in bed with a hangover from now on.

Did go to pool in aftie and had nice day with girls. Then went to the brown mafia’s for a gourmet dinner courtesy of Yvie. No wonder none of us loose any weight – we are very good to ourselves when it comes to eating scrummy food!

Played cards again and this time my auntie SQ actually won. It was a close call though but I had to let her win in the end coz I was sick of hearing her winging all week since I won the last twice and I couldn’t take the ear ache for another week.

It’s my turn to cook again next week. I think I will make her eat haggis again.

Or worse still, I will disguise vegetables in something and not tell her.

Today I achieved 3 out of 5.

CHARITY CHEERS!

Thurs 5th – Charity Cheers night.

A sincere BIG THANK YOU to everyone who supported Cally, Paul and I and took part in our "Charity Cheers 12-Step Clue Crawl for Kili" tonight.

A magnificent total of 7,350 Dhs was raised by Clue Crawlers!!

And the last team to sign up were our Charity Cheers Champions - "CHARLIES ANGELS". (try saying that fast!)

It was a close call, only ONE BUS RIDE RECEIPT clinched it. So congratulations Charlie, Ellie, Angela and Tash - good team work. You certainly deserved the prizes for completing all 12 must go to's, must have receipts for and must bring back photo of! PLUS all 7 bonus points too. Strangely the team was also no. 12....

And commiserations to the very close joint runners up, The Limey Celts and the Believers & Achievers. Soooo close, but you now know to take the bus next time!

I would also like to mention the Screaming Cucumbers (who went round the bars with bibs on and scary drawings of screaming cucumbers), Vampires & Dragons, Dragons & Swedes, Cluttons Codgers, Yeh I No! (don’t ask I have no idea!), New Spice, The Benders and the Krypton Factor. You are all wicked!

So add that together with the amount raised on the On-line Friendship Auction and that's a whopping 13,042 Dhs we raised altogether!

Fantastic! A big pat on the back to everyone who has been involved in these events, you have all been truly generous and good fun. And for all those who missed out on the fun, don't worry, it was so successful that I will definitely be doing another one next year.

Cally & Paul will send us a picture from Kili when they go in November to show us our efforts were worth the hard work of meeting new friends in the on-line auction and having fun on the clue crawl.....! Really.... how hard was it? :O)

Thank you all so much and Charity Cheers!

Boobs, big problem if you got em, wee problem if you don't.

Tues 3rd – PHOTOS TO BE ADDED!

We had our staff Iftar tonight at the Oasis Beach hotel. It was lovely. We have a very nice team just now, I am a very proud mother hen.

Today I achieved 1 out of 5.

Wed 4th

Paul and I went to get the t-shirts for the Charity Cheers night at the Mall of the Emirates this aftie. “They are wicked man” as Paul said.

It proved a small problem trying to buy a top that would suit both Cally and I as Cally is the skinniest girl I know (well except Becki) and I have boobs at the moment that would give me black eyes on a tread mill unless fully strapped down.

I shouldn’t complain coz I guess they will be the first thing to go when I do start loosing the puppy fat.

Chose the safest option, vest tops. Nothing falls out of them.

Went out at night to The Cellar with the brown mafia and Joe & Evelyn, who we had stayed with in London in the summer. I love it there, it is such a nice restaurant and the service and food is always fab.

Very nice day, can’t wait for Charity Cheers tomorrow.

Today I achieved 1 out of 5.

Happy Birthday Katrina & Josh!

Sat 30th – Went to the pool, then had dinner and played cards at the Vamps. She made a wicked Chili which we all scoffed. I won again. Sigh.

Sun 1st Oct – Wee sister’s birthday today. HAPPY BIRTHDAY KATRINA! Scary my wee sister is 9 years old already. Only feels like a few years ago SQ and I were home just after she was born.

Doesn’t time fly when you are getting older and having more fun than you ever have.

Katrina, you will get an ode dedicated to you when you are older huney, promise!

And if you are a true Wilson by nature, then there will be plenty of naughty things to write about!

Mon 2nd Oct – Josh ’s birthday – did my usual and wrote a wee ode to celebrate.

Ode to Josh Anderson!

O’ there once was a boy named Josh.
Who loved to spend all of his dosh,
Buying shots like Springbok or B52
Just to see how drunk he can get you.

So be warned when you go to RBs,
If you meet him you’ll end up on your knees.
Not because of his cute chat up skills,
But because of the brain cells that he kills.

And it may take you all just a wee while,
To see that his lovely and innocent smile,
Is one that will surely lead you astray,
When he brings you his special shot tray.

By day he spins discs for channel 104,
And by night he plays you tunes galore.
The girls all boogie and scream with delight,
As he charms them with shots long into the night.

So this ode is for Josh who is a top mate,
Who once even took me on a hot date.
But he had to pay for me mind you,
And he did take two other friends along too.

But seriously he is a one in a million guy.
And with a cheeky twinkle in his eye,
He will if he can do anything for you,
And help you raise money for charity too.

And as today is a very special day,
There’s only one thing left for me to say.
HAPPY 28TH BIRTHDAY my friend,
With this card lots of love I send!

Yoga with Sharon at night and the phantom farter wasn't there so all in all a good day.

Today I achieved 2 out of 5.

Another hot date.

Thur 28

I went to Vamps in the evening and had home made lethal pina coladas then onto Steph’s for party to meet Becki then Double Deckers. Home by 2am as nowhere to go and dance my pants off coz of Ramadan. Shame, we were all revved up and nowhere to go.

Fri 29th

Went to the Vamps pool during the day again. I’ve been going to pool loads and still not even a wee sign of a white line. Gotta get some reduced factor sun cream on my bod.

I guess it is cooling down enough now for me to stop using factor 35 in the shade.

It was my hot date with Josh in the evening. Well actually, the only heat was from the humidity. And he had to take two friends for protection. He paid for me on the on-line charity auction so guess that’s his prerogative.

But result, the guy I was chatting up in the bar whilst waiting for him turned out to be brand manager of a client I want so wicked result!

We met in Teatro, I haven’t been there for ages and forgot how nice it is. (Mental note to go there next time I’m asked out to dinner. Ha ha ha ha ha. Ok, ok, I mean the next time the girls and I go out for dinner).

Few liquid appetizers and then a taxi cab out to Bussola. We sat upstairs at the pizzeria. We had a lovely view of the building site next door on one side and the palm being built on the other. Very romantic indeed.

Strangely the only thing on the menu in a pizzeria is pizza. Its quite amazing how many combinations of pizza you can make up when you need to fill two pages of a menu. So we all ate pizza and sorted out the world.

Good food, good company and a good few shots to tip us over afterwards. Met up with Aileen and a few from Showtime at the bar then home by 2am as nowhere to go and boogie. Roll on Eid.

The Phantom Yoga Farter.

Tues 26

Boo Hoo - Goa holiday cancelled. Well not cancelled exactly. We just decided that we are not going to GOA coz its too expensive.

Looking at Cyprus now, which is good, but its not GOA is it? Oh well, maybe next year.

Wed 27

Went to yoga as usual. Anyone who goes to yoga will know that you have to practice Ujiya (spelling??) breathing. Which is breathing through your nose, trying to kind of make a rumbling noise by tickling the back of your throat. Apparently if you get it right and tickle the back of your throat in the right place with your breath then it has a calming and rejuvenating effect. I haven’t found that special place yet. But then that’s probably coz my nose is broken and I can only breathe through one nostril.

I do Ashtanga yoga which is a moving meditation and you do the yoga postures following the rhythm of your breathing.

Sounds easy enough.

Until the night of the phantom yoga farter.

Do you know how hard is it to breathe through your nose and try and get your body into positions that are very unnatural for bodies to be in, when all you can smell is rotten cabbages? Very old rotten cabbage and lots of it.

I wasn’t sure if it was the girl beside me on in front of me. But the girl beside me must have thought it was me coz she kept looking at me and was obviously struggling not to breathe in either.

I nearly choked, between trying not to breathe in, trying not to go into hysterics and trying to do a body wrap. Which means you have to lunge and put one arm through your bent leg, put the other arm wrapped round your body and somehow clasp your hands together, then open out your chest, balance so you don’t fall over and then look up.

I can usually do it, just, although I feel like my ribs are going to break because my jelly belly gets in the way, but there was no way in hell I was going to reach that clasp tonight if I couldn’t fill my lungs with any air.

My God, what had she eaten? She seriously needs to do a few more plough posture moves and get her digestion going.

I thought only boys that drank lots of lager could make smells like that.

And the smell wouldn’t go away. It lingered in the air for what felt like forever when you can't breathe.

I’m sure fart particles must have landed on me. I could even taste it.

Finally about two moves later it was safe to breathe again. If she went home and played ovens with her husband he would get toxic poisoning.

Class was just about over and OH MY GOD another one. I couldn’t contain myself this time and the giggle monster in me took over. Relaxation time was coming so I knew I had to pull myself together before then.

I was trying to blow the air round about me to distribute the thickness of fart air but it didn’t seem to work. All that happened was I blew it back to the girl that thought I was doing it in the first place.

I made a mental note to text Sacha, the teacher, and tell her it wasn’t me. She warned us about air pockets and fanny farting the week before when we were standing on our heads, she never warned us about the bum burps when we were the right way up too.

Seriously, you have to leave all pride at the door when you go to yoga.

Never mind, I will be able to kiss my own ass soon so it will all be worth it.

Not every day can be exciting.

Sunday 24th

Busy day at work again. Missed yoga – again. Came home, crashed and watched movie. The Lake House. Brilliant. Very predictable but just clever enough to hold my attention.

Today I achieved 1 out of 5.

Monday 25th

BNI morning blues today.

Yoga cancelled.

Pants day so far.

On a positive note the traffic was non existent on way home and journey was on 25 mins instead of over an hour. Fab!

But no chocolate in the house so unless masturbating counts under no. 2 then…

Today I achieved 0 out of 5.

Pooh.

Guaranteed happy hormones....!

Saturday 23rd

Up early and started preparing the Feast for Four for later. Went to the pool again and got the crack with girls.

Then SQ, Yvie, the Vamp came round to mine for a game of cards and some good old home cooked Scottish scran. I made soup, a wee taster of haggis, mince and tatties (in case they didn’t like the haggist) and flapjack-made-up-pudding-thing, the recipe of which I stole from Cally.

Of course I won – again. And I only learned how to play one of the games on Sat. What can I say. I’m a natural. Actually its pure luck. All the others are counting cards and strategically planning their next move.

I play one card at a time and pay no attention to their hands at all. Only interested in what’s in front of me at the time.

Now doesn’t that sound familiar……

Just to let everyone know, we all won at least one game, except SQ, who didn’t win any.

Let me just spell that out for you all. SUSAN DID NOT WIN ANY CARD GAMES ON SATURDAY.

And Mel is coming this Saturday and think she may be a wee bit of a hussler queen so will be keeping my wits awake this time.

Not cooking this week, we wasted too much time eating last week and not enough time playing cards so nibbles only this week to leave more time for me to win, win, win!

Remember my list of five things that make you happy?

1/ Sun
2/ Sex
3/ Exercise
4/ Meditation
5/ Chocolate

In no particular order. I strive to do/have/eat at least one of these every day. Guaranteed happy hormones.

I will be reporting every day from now on what I have achieved.

Today I achieved 2 out of 5.

But you lot will never know which ones I have actually achieved.....

Points for those who guess correctly though!